We as a culture we tend to treat pregnancy as if it’s no big deal. We preserve, we push through. We do everything except stop and savor the short time. I know its not always blissful – trust me when I say I have had my share of illness, discomfort, stress, and pain related to pregnancy. But the truth in those short 9 months, with God’s hand, you are creating and growing a human life. Pregnancy should be a wonderful bonding time between mother and baby.
Pregnant women are known for anxiety and sometimes irrational fear. Because of this we try to protect them. Anything that might cause more worry or anxiety is kept far from expecting ears. Health care providers (even my own!) have been known to down play risks and complications to prevent the mother from panicking. Though I hold no one accountable, I do feel think if I would have been given more intense warnings or appropriate risk assessments, I would have changed some of the things I did before we lost Josephine. So I want you to read this. Even if you are pregnant. Not to cause more fear and worry but to give you knowledge that may help prevent every mother’s worst fear. Pregnancy is truly a life or death situation.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Part of me strongly hesitates to write this post. The cause of many miscarriages and infant losses are unknown. To say that there was anything that could have been done to change the outcome fills families with anger and regret. Please know this: there is often nothing that could have been done. You did the best you could have done in a horrible situation. But sometimes there is something that could be done. However, pregnant women are not told what to do or how to handle a crisis. So that’s why I’m writing this. If I give out tips to make even one pregnancy safer, to help prevent the heartbreak we went through, then it was worth it. So please read this, but do not be filled with regret and doubt, but instead be filled with hope that with knowledge we can save lives.
Health Care
Prenatal care is critical to a healthy pregnancy. Ideally you should be taking a vitamin with folic acid prior to conceiving, but if not, your doctor will want you to start taking prenatal vitamins as soon as possible. If you are high risk or have any medical conditions you should be monitored closely. This may involve blood work, early ultrasounds and close monitoring. Doctors typically do not schedule your first prenatal visit until between 9 and 12 weeks if your pregnancy is considered ‘normal.’ However, this shouldn’t stop you from going in if you think something is wrong or if a medical condition develops.
If your medical provider doesn’t meet your needs, ignores your concerns, doesn’t return phone calls promptly, doesn’t allow you to come in when you are worried…find another provider. There are lots of great OB providers out there, don’t stick with someone who won’t help you when you need help. Assert yourself. You want really good care in a life or death situation.
While you should demand good health care, you should also have reasonable expectations. No one can see the future, not even a great doctor. Even if you were their only patient, and they devoted all their resources to you they still might not be able to prevent everything. You healthcare depends on you knowing your risks and knowing your body and being able to effectively communicate that with you doctor.
Medicine and Risks
Stop taking all medications unless your doctor says you need them. The truth is very few medicines and over the counter drugs have been thoroughly tested on pregnant women and the effects on the baby. Think about it, would you sign up for that drug trial? Drugs are labeled “Generally Considered Safe in Pregnancy” when no know adverse effects have been found. This does not mean they have been thoroughly studied, only that they haven’t found evidence that this drug causes problems. There are other medicines that have been proven to cause pregnancy complications, birth defects, premature labor, etc and they are often STILL prescribed because the medical provider feels the risks are low enough and the other benefits of the drug are worth it. So know what you are taking and make an educated decision. Only take medicines that you need to take, and with your doctors permission.
There are certain environmental risks that most of us know about. Stop smoking or being around smokers (or their clothes!). Smoking is KNOWN to cause birth defects and premature labor, it also increases the risk of having a stillborn baby, AND may increase the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) after the baby is born. Its awful, stay away. Alcohol is another be no-no. I know, there are studies of women in Europe who drink a glass of wine a night and have healthy babies. But the truth is, no one knows how much is too much and you don’t want to experiment with your baby. Caffeine is another one that is often mentioned. Again there are conflicting studies that show both sides. One study shows an increase in miscarriage in women who drink 2 or more caffeinated beverages per day. And that’s enough for me. There are also pregnancy warnings against mercury in seafood, undercooked meat, soft cheeses, raw produce that may contain listeria, herbal teas, and probably several others. Its a lot, I know.
There are even more dangers out there that are well under publicized and those are the ones I’m concerned with. We have become a culture that pollutes our food. Many of the ingredients in ANY package of food on the shelf contains additives that can hurt your baby. Here are some big ones: Artificial colors (food coloring), artificial flavors, BHA, BHT, MSG (which has HUNDREDS of pseudonyms so it can sneak into almost any food), nitrites and nitrates, aspartame and most artificial sweeteners, benzoic acid, sodium benzoate and many more. Do your research, eat less processed food and eat organic as much as you can afford it. And PLEASE stop drinking soda – especially diet soda!
I know you are thinking this is a lot to worry about. Or maybe that you know some one who ate these things or did these things and their baby turned out fine. To that I say-I know several people who drive without wearing a seatbelt and they survive. But the news is littered with those who don’t. Be informed and make good decisions. If you knew better and something bad did happen – I can promise your heart will be full of regret. It’s only 9 months, and its your child that you are sacrificing for.
Nothing to prove
Recently there was a photo making its way through Facebook of a woman 8 months pregnant squat pressing some amazingly impressive weight. This picture is phenomenal but the concept isn’t new. As women we try to be super everything. We try to maintain our amazing womanly feats even while growing a human being. Growing a person is amazing enough! Having gone through this myself, having tried to accomplish everything and having the pregnancy end in loss…it’s not worth it. Stop trying to accomplish everything. Stop striving for new goals. Make resting and taking care of yourself the most important goal.
Current research shows that light to moderate exercise is safe and even beneficial to pregnancy. I agree. Staying fit and active will benefit both you and your child. If you have a healthy pregnancy you should be able to do some exercise but there is a line. Don’t push your limits, don’t over extend yourself. Don’t be proud of the amazing physical accomplishments you do while pregnant. Its dangerous and risky. As a woman growing a child, you have nothing to prove.
Until
In our grief support group, every single sad story (except ours) starts the same way, “I had a perfectly normal pregnancy, until…..” Don’t think for a minute that just because you have not had any complications that you are immune from danger. This is a falsehood we preach to pregnant women to reassure them. It creates a false sense of security that prevents moms from being prepared. So here is what you do if you ever hit the “UNTIL” moment.
1st Trimester
Most doctors will tell you that some bleeding and cramping is normal in the first trimester. But you should go in and be thoroughly checked out if you experience this. Let me tell you that ‘some’ should really only be a small amount, and the bleeding needs to stop after a short time. If it doesn’t, be persistent. Seek out the cause of the bleed and don’t give up until you have an answer. Different causes for bleeding create different types of problems and some can be fixed or your behavior can be modified to prevent more risk. I was bleeding quite a bit in the first trimester but I was told it was normal and the baby’s heartbeat was fine and she was growing well. The cause was not investigated.
First trimester is a scary time. Symptoms come and go, but you don’t have the constant proof of the kicks to let you know the baby is ok. Your risk does go down after a heart beat is confirmed (usually 9-10 weeks) and again as you cross into the second trimester.
2nd Trimester
Bleeding should always be considered an emergency in the 2nd trimester. If the bleeding is persisting from the first trimester (as it did with me), actively seek out answers. As your uterus and the baby grow it will be easier to identify placental problems. If you are bleeding you should consider yourself high risk, regardless of why you are bleeding and you should modify your behavior. Limit physical activity and seek out a higher level of medical care.
Many women start feeling the baby move between the 15th-20th weeks. If you don’t, everything could still be just fine. Often babies are turned in or a busy mom is not noticing the kicks. But babies move a lot at this phase and you should begin to feel them soon. Sonograms and ultrasounds can help ensure the baby is ok.
If you start to have contractions you need to get to a hospital. And it needs to be a hospital with a NICU. Babies as little as 24 weeks gestation have a small chance of viability, but they need the right care. Research the right hospitals BEFORE you need them. This includes when your travel. Many times I have heard stories of urgent situations happening while the mother is on vacation and is unfamiliar with the local hospitals. Knowing where to go will save critical time.
3rd Trimester
In my opinion everything even slightly off should be considered an emergency in the 3rd trimester. By now you should be feeling the baby move often. Take the time to know and learn his patterns. Does he kick more in the early evening. Does she like spicy food? Knowing the responses your baby has makes knowing when something isn’t right that much easier. If there is any changes in the babies movement, head to your doctor immediately. We are often told that as babies grow they aren’t able to move as much so we feel them less. However, isn’t the converse true as well? They are so big that every moment they make bumps into part of us? Pay attention, know your baby and your body and if it doesn’t seem right, go in now! Don’t call in, they will tell you to lie on your side, drink juice etc. If something is wrong, trust your instincts. I have heard many sad stories of women who didn’t.
Premature labor can often be stopped. If you aren’t feeling well first try lying on your side, drinking water, resting, etc. But if this doesn’t change anything, get to the hospital. Time is critical. In most cases, maintaining the pregnancy to full term is the best case scenario and that might involve bed rest if you are having complications. But if the baby is going to be born early, they can use steroids to mature her lungs. If its a placental abruption, the blood loss puts your life at stake as well, don’t try to handle it at home. Bleeding, gush of fluids, change in discharge, high fevers, cramping or intense pain are all emergencies. Don’t wait, don’t second guess yourself, don’t be afraid of being the overly cautious mom. This is life or death and you can better your odds.
Ultimately I believe God is the God of life and death. “You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer.” (Job 14:5) For reasons we will never know, some pregnancies end and some babies don’t survive. And it is heartbreaking. It may be an issue I struggle with my whole life. So then why search for answers and risk assessments and good healthcare, if we are not the ones in control? For the same reason we teach firefighters to put out fires, we teach paramedics how to do CPR, we teach daycare staff to do the Heimlich Maneuver. God gave us brains and skills and knowledge and He expects us to use them. That in and of itself is a miracle – that we are ever give the ability to save or preserve a life. With knowledge, we can make a make a difference and we are expected to.
Taking care of yourself, knowing your risks, knowing your baby, knowing your body, and asserting yourself when you feel like something isn’t right or when you just want a second opinion can make a huge difference. Pregnancy isn’t something to rush through, or ‘endure’. It’s a beautiful sacred time between the mother and baby. Savor it, enjoy it.
Resources:
Food additives the effect pregnancy If you read nothing else, read this link!
Environmental Factors to avoid
SIDS Info and great scripture
Causes and ways to prevent miscarriage
Symptoms and preventing preterm labor
Placental Abruption risks and warning signs
Treatable Illnesses during Pregnancy